I have learned something new about myself. I am trying to be present with it, but it is unfamiliar to me, and my challenge now is to become familiar and comfortable with it.
I couldn't figure out what is was I was saying to myself that was so negative, and then I realized....
It is not so much what I am saying to myself but what I am NOT saying to myself....what affirmations am I not saying. I am not saying to myself Margaret you deserve a good life. Margaret you deserve to have someone who loves. Margaret you are worthy of having what you want.
I have never said that to myself. Omission of desire.
Choosing instead from what was available, not saying what I want, but choosing and going for it. Marilyn, Maggie, jobs, places to live, more like what is offered. Never me saying This or that is what I want and going for that. Except once. HAG.
......and now saying those things to myself and more affirmations. Changing my perspective. Feel physically different. I am thinking=feeling-looking- differently and it feels unfamiliar.
Forgiving ..Dalton said I was a very forgiving person of people I love. I saw my forgiveness as a weakness but it is a strength. And if I forgive others, I can forgive myself. That's the final step. Forgive me.
That is what I am doing now. Telling myself I deserve to have what I want, I am worthy and now I am angry at Maggie and Bobby. It is so curious to me. If I am worthy, then I give myself permission to be angry at those who hurt me. Reversal of feeling ...forgiveness and now anger.
