Friday, October 14, 2016

disappointed

went to doc tuesday
clothes feel looser lost one pound feels like 4 pounds
so i hate the weight scale
stupid weight scale
u can try not to let the numbers rule you
but somehow in the end they do

then yesterday my test results came back and my sugars are higher then last month

am i loosing this battle?

i swear i swear
i exercised and ate less
i swear no chips or candy or sweets or ice cream
i swear more protein and less sugar
shut the front door and wtf

ok so she told  me this news by email yesterday
and i immediately
within seconds  broke my fast
ate cookies on the free counter in the kitchen
that was old behavior and i was pissed at myself

so if you want something you have never had before you have to be willing to do something you have never done before

what am i willing to do

yet to be seen

have to up ..really increase my efforts to get the results i want

saw pics of myself
holy gawd i look awful
just awful

body shame
absolutely




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