It started with beaded bracelets. Well it started with Maggie and her first kiss. A tender memory maker kiss, warm and welcoming. I painted my toenails red, then I started buying bracelets, rings, earrings, showering twice a day, putting on make-up, buying red lipstick, black lace slips, and black lace thigh highs. I wear makeup and shave my legs. I dress up for work. I bought Emma Rees book The Vagina. I like it. I like it all. I act and feel different. Rediscover and remember what I had not forgotten. Liz is in the house.
I feel like a lesbian again. I feel visible again. Her presence in my life makes that happen. I get to walk and talk with a girlfriend in my circle of experience and we are sexual partners and people know it and I get to experience that visibility. That was lost to me that sense of belonging to something larger than yourself..and I have missed it.
And I keep writing about it...it is a metamorphosis in a way so I am focused on observing the visual cues.
She has a sexual prowess I had not expected. That too is causing change. We talked...she makes it easy to talk about things as she is accepting and understanding...although she mostly listens and when she talks it is with few words but weighty ones...we talked about this and how I am not used to my partner having the upper hand sexually ..that is who I am in my relationships...And she just looked at me and said so deliberately..."really because that has always been mine." Now I am looking for a comfort level .. looking for acceptance of self in this dance ...
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