making the most of a scar

I have at long last found an image I was looking for. I have wanted a tattoo over my mastectomy and I could not quite find what I was imagining...some days I wanted a branch and other days I wanted a bird's wing. Then I found this image. A branch that is a wing. So I am going to use just the wing from this image, starting with the root at the center of my chest or beginning of my scar and then branching over and out up over my shoulder. I want Pat to do it but she is so far away in Woodstock NY.  I would rather she do it because she was the artist for the two tattoos I do have..so the money saving begins.....

...Maggie and I continue to spend time together, and encourage each other into one another's hearts and places of trust. She is happy - as am I. We are creating a shared energy between us that is affirming for both. She is trusting us more, trusting me and allowing me to be a part of her life. I feel more connected to myself as a lesbian .. all the years here in A2 disconnected from lesbian community or life...odd girl out at work...moving in the shadows in many ways  .. now with Maggie I feel mirrored again and it is a very good thing. I have my queer identity back.  Interesting to me how a person stands with others and in that finds validation and belonging. I am particularly moved by the fact that in two weeks I will have Kate and Erin and Maggie all together and working with me on Suds and then spending time together over the weekend...this will be the first work event where I have family with me...and I will not be the odd girl out. That makes me happy. And it has to be that I am being seen with my tribe - with the people who love me and are important to me and I matter to them. That feels very good. When I left Buffalo ten years ago I lost that and had to travel back home to experience it....now it feels I will have that here because of Maggie giving me a sense of belonging that I did not have....life is better with Maggie.

And I am excited by how she is excited by me physically. I am reclaiming my fem side another lost part of myself now coming back. I am buying bracelets and adorning myself with brightly colored beaded bracelets, shaving my legs, painting my toes red, and on occasion wearing make up. And she loves it...it excites her....but she is clear, she said 'do it because you want to'..it never occurred to her to ask me....she said to me' I embrace all that you are just as you are..do not make changes for me.'  But my efforts are not changes for her but are expressions of my self....authentic and sensual...and they please me ...