FROM DEC 21
Maggie has not spoken to me in more than a week. This after a romantic weekend away in Saugatuck. We had a wonderful weekend, and now she is absent. I have made a decision that I will not go back this time. I have been letting go. I still obsessively scan the phone but less so and I was able to stay away from Jolly all week, and the last time I texted her no response. It feels different this time.
And I am not blaming her. I blame myself.
After Saugatuck I had a pretty serious ptsd episode and at that point we were communicating. This fucked up...have a romantic weekend and I curl under it as if I did not deserve it.
what do I do with all these feelings? How does one stop thinking about her? How does one replace the loss of affection? This hurts more than I can say.
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