boundaries

Met with Alyson yesterday. We had a good session. I talked about what happened between K and I. It was helpful. I have been hurt because K has not come through on talking about what happened in Bflo on my last visit. Alyson had a good suggestion. New Approach. Set a boundary and forget about the conversation, the processing. It always turns into a back and forth circle conversation and nothing is resolved. Alyson suggested I just set a boundary. Something like.

"I have been thinking about this and I have decided that we do not need to have the conversation. An apology at some point would be nice, but what I really want to say is what happened, cannot happen again. You cannot talk me that way. You will either respect me and my choices or you won't. But you will not speak to me that way or say hurtful things to me. If you decide that someday you want to have a conversation about what happened, then we will. It's up to you. But it cannot happen again. Ever." 

 

All that is left now is for me to do that. This will set a boundary. Might actually make K feel safer. I like this new approach. The conversations or the processing I have always insisted on has never been satisfactory. K as ALWAYS resisted or rebelled against it. I should abandon the processing. It only cause more hurt.  One stone at a time build a boundary.

 

I also talked about how I left Bflo as a way to stop the fights with K. To give her space to become her own person. I talked about how I have been walking on eggshells around Kate. Her response was "You have lost your voice" True. I have lost my voice. I am not going to do that anymore. I lost my voice before. But then I found it. I am going to do that again. Find my voice.

 

On another note. I met with my doc last week. Everything is status quo. Sugar levels are right where she wants them. One concern is my calcium levels are out of the normal range.  She wrote to me...The only thing out of line was your calcium. This is not a "scary" calcium problem. (i.e. This is NOT cancer. This is NOT Tuberculosis. Etc.) I know this because those things give you a low parathyroid hormone level and yours is NOT low. So, it is probably a side effect of your hydrochlorothiazide and some longstanding secondary hyperparathyroidism from vitamin D deficiency. However, it could be primary hyperparathyroidism (not a cancer- a benign but annoying problem that can lead to osteoporosis and kidney stones). The plan is to watch it. And she has ordered a bone scan test. It scared me to read This is NOT cancer. I have had cancer so to even read the C word in a message about me was disturbing. It reminds me how vulnerable I am, and how I stay at this job or keep working at jobs to have health insurance because I have health issues. Not because it is the work I want to do, but because I need a bone scan.