Operate from an internal sense of "this is right"-Audre LordeThe lemons spite me by shriveling up and turning ash green. Lemons famously hide themselves from me to roll off and die in the corner. the lemons remain unaware of my familiarity with that same feeling..to roll off into the corner and turn ash green. I know the feeling.
The amputation of my breast in a profit economy and my refusal to rebuild it is a daily reminder of the quick loss of power. Without cleavage I feel powerless. It is not the absence of one but the lack of a pair that is most difficult. I cannot accept it. 13 years later I am still angry. But I have never felt guilty about surviving.
I recently made a left turn and I wished I had not turned at all. And now I have another big decision a head of me. So soon after having made a colossal mistake I worry about making another one.
A budding opportunity is gaining oxygen. Ujima needs a managing director. Do I take the Ujima job and go home to Buffalo. People -many- want me to come home. It is finally spring and many dormant lives are pushing up from under ground.
i don't know what to do with my pain. I am very scared.
contemplative practice
now why did I leave Buffalo?
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