I will still love you, I will wait in these poems.
When I am dead, even then
I am still listening to you
I will still be making poems for you
out of silence;
silence will be falling into that silence
it is building music
This is October, and light changes. The change of light from "day to night" or twilight, right now it is at its spooky best. I like it.
Even morning light is different. I can feel it. Summer's death. It is in the air. So this is the time of year I honor the dead of my life. Those who love me still and I them. My mother and father, my brother Bobby, James, Amanda, Chuck, Karen. I have a tape of my father speaking, that I will listen to. He has a lovely voice, I am glad I have it on tape. I will remember them all, each in a special way. I will use my prayer beads in honor of Chuck. And I will also remember those taken by HIV/AIDS Tom Lewis, Tom Hammond, Billy, Bruce Kyle and James. They are all a part of who I am.
Maybe I can also put to rest some aspects of my life that I need to stop, or leave behind, for they are no longer of use to me. I could transform those aspects that hurt me, simply by ignoring the impulses, forever, as if it is dead. Like my relationship with past loves who have hurt me, or moments between me and mom that I remember and keep hurting myself with. Things like that. Maybe I will make a list of those most hated moments, and leave them here in the october light to die.
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