when i got to the exercise about fun in the brene brown web class i quit. i couldn't do it. vacations and just for fun i dont do.i avoid it. i want to change that.
creating theatre is makes me feel alive
certain music makes me feel alive
directing makes me feel alive
driving fast with tunes cranked makes me happy
just out of the dryer fresh clean laundry- a good nuzzle
attention from the cats
cool side of the pillow
trees make me feel alive and swimming makes me feel good.
i feel vulnerable by my aging, i cant do anything but accept it, im aging and i am more vulnerable.
so learning how to be vulnerable and control my pts responses is on my mind a lot.
so i am stuck at joy. have been for months. dont have a lot of it. i have regrets and i know it is a simple matter of changing my thoughts. i say simple so i minimize it and making it easier to do it.
just took a facebook quiz test (a color test) and here is my result- accurate i would say
Wow! You answered all correctly and have scored the highest possible score! You have an impressive sight! You have the ability to notice the tiniest nuances and details, and nothing gets past you! Congratulations to you!
i do have the ability to notice the tiniest of nuances. i am observant. had to keep an eye out for predators and a raging alcoholic, by myself, by my little self. a little warrior of one. i arrive early to get the best and safest seat in the room. so as to have all the choices. and walking in late is disrespectful. but mostly it is best seat for observation.
still act like a warrior of one. a warrior who needs some joy.
i went joy riding this past weekend for the whole three days. smoked pot, ate whatever i wanted, as much as i wanted, drank wine...slept and got a ton of work done at home. made progress, cats and i hung out together. that is all. no people.
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