well it did for awhile. it weighed upon me that keck may have felt that i had forgotten about her. i did leave her a message but she did not reply. i got derailed from a lot while kate was divorcing erin. so all my free time was going to kate.
i finally reached out to keck but like i said no reply. then she was dead. committed suicide. shot herself and it really shook me. she killed herself and she had pts . i have pts. i have considered suicide but i always choose to stay/ i believe i always will and the thoughts of ending it means ending the pain. not ending my life. i want to stay and see the ending. im game for it most days.
i felt crappy. i think i found claire told me in March sometime that keck was dead. i felt crappy like i had let her down by not calling back sooner than i did. now in august i realized someting for the first time. she was not a good friend to me. she often let me down and was never there for me like my other friends who always show up. liz never showed up for me. so i let feeling crappy about all this go. what ever i gave liz, always felt like it wasnt enough for her. she wanted more without giving more to get it. she wasnt there for me because she didnt know how to. i forgive us both for being human and making mistakes. our intentions were good. rest in peace liz keck rest in peace.
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