morning light

I love the morning light. something about it.
it feels safe to come to work early and in the quiet start my day without distraction or interruption. the view the view out my window is trees and water and railroad tracks. I love this view in the morning. I enjoy it all day but I love it in the morning.

now every morning an intention. as I rise I pause and make an intention for the day. as I step out onto porch I pause again and look around at where I am and take notice of what is around me...breath deep and make my intention again. I could say repeat but I make it again. there is a difference.

I cancelled the house cleaner she wanted $150..that is highway robbery for my  postage stamp sized apartment. Have to find someone else.

Back in PT for my right shoulder and left hip S1 joint. Getting old is challenging in many ways expected and not expected. Forgetfulness to the point of delusion, wear glasses when I drive, pee more often, the grey white hair  ... all expected. so many many many chin hairs? No. I spent so many hours repeating the motion for pulling out chin hairs I enlarged my first knuckle on my right hand first finger and gave myself tendinitis in my right shoulder.The mouse at work contributed and the way I hold a steering wheel. Now i shave and have made an appointment for laser treatments. I am my sister. No surprise we had a mother very invested in her appearance.  I was in junior high when Mom took me to the beauty counter in AM&A's department store, first floor, mirrors all around and pretty lighting. I felt self conscious and uncomfortable. She wanted them to teach me to bleach my mustache with Jolene Cream Bleach. And so it began. Then she came after my uni brow and taught how to pluck my eyebrows. My unruly thick curly hair defeated her so I took over there with curling irons blow-dryers curlers and dippity do...and trial and error. Hundreds of hours removing or hiding hairs unwanted and trying to bring order to my head o hair ... I was vain about it, and now it is grey and thinning. The thinning terrifies me.  An obsession with hair and appearance .. inherited from my mother. Peg had beautiful hair. Red head. And a smile that was sweet when she allowed herself the luxury of a smile. She went to the beauty parlor every week, and then had my Dad drive and then had the beauty parlor come  to her at the house. She shopped for smart looking outfits, that she matched with colorful bold jewelry in bracelets and earrings and brooches. She enjoyed soaking in a hot tub, and was always applying lotion to her hands and moisturizers to her face. She was resilient and pissed off most of the time. She was smart and needed more intellectual stimulation than she was getting staying home with 4 children. Peg founded and named herself in charge of St. Bernadette's Altar and Rosary Society...church work organizing fundraisers,  pulling together a newsletter and mailings from her dining room table over pots of hot tea with other women for the "society"