train
Yeah the train happened and then I went back to bed and fell asleep. 9:35 AM now and I am at work.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to "tolerate" the wheelchair situation. And I keep forgetting, or cannot seem to remember to wear the CPAP and now I actually have everything so I could wear it. I am taking my meds that is improving. Except Metformin and insulin at night I forget. I am taking my blood pressure a couple of times a day.
A giant mirror that hung on the back of my bedroom door has broken into many tiny pieces. Hopefully Wendy can help me clean it up tonight. It is a mess. And there is a crappy smell somewhere in kitchen that I cannot locate. Nothing is the right space. Everything has been moved or rearranged to accommodate the wheel chair and the broken ankle. I cannot reach things or find things because nothing is where it belongs. I hate it. Everything is so slow. I hate it. I have to wait a lot. I hate it. Best to get over it. There is still more recovery ahead.
I am a GET UP and GO girl, woman, mother, crone, person.
My whole life. Started with my dad. He was exactly like that. Get up and go. Get up and go out for coffee and breakfast. Get up and go to work. Get up and go to school. Get up and go to the barn. But mostly get up and go to work.
Nowadays running out the door
sometimes as I am moving forward
I remember something I forgot
but if I am already headed somewhere
I cannot stop
I refuse to stop
and go back
I just escaped
I will not stop
and t u r n a r o u n d
and go back.
Simple solution. Simple. Easy even.
Just can't.
On occasion I can talk myself into it
and I do go back
but it makes me angry.
It pisses me off and I slam doors and curse outloud.
It is less stressful for me
to just keep going
keep moving to my destination
and I do not go back
and nothing bad happens
and I deal without exploding
without discharging
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