One week from today my cast comes off. Not sure what is next. But I assume wheel chair goes away, and I walk, maybe with cane maybe with walker. It has been a lesson in patience, something I have in very short supply.
It was a lesson in people helping me. Sarah, George, Pam, Kamil, Dan, Jared, Aaron, Patrick, Trish, Wendy, Marlene, Jen, Rebecca, Jason, Alec, Anita, Lyn, Beth....all those people helped me. Plus all the nurses, medical techs who helped me every-time I went to hospital or doc's office. A lesson in being loved.
Daily crying stopped several weeks ago. That is a relief, to have a pause button on crying every day. Just does not happen. my thoughts on that are that I have more people around me more often. People are touching me. Taking my hand to encourage me. Hugs. Wendy drying me after showers. Aaron insists on cradling my head when I get in the car. The kind gentle touch of the nurses. Sarah slept in bed next to me for that first week to make sure I was ok in the early post surgery time...Te was a slow process but over the weeks I became aware of how lonely I had been. I had been spending a lot of my time alone, almost all time outside of work was spent alone at home, often stoned or drinking wine.
Too embarrassed to go out on my own. Too fat, too old.
later the same day
I have cried. I have cried for Crash, for missing him. I think twice maybe three times.
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