health physical

My health isn't good. My health hasn't been good for twenty years. I could be living on borrowed time.. I am taking many medications. I take spironolactone 25 mg tablet, metFORMIN 1,000 mg tablet, levothyroxine 50 mcg tablet, losartan 100 mg tablet, hydroCHLOROthiazide 25 mg tablet, escitalopram oxalate 20 mg tablet, and lantus insulin. Most of that is high blood pressure medicine.

I also sleep with a c-pap machine because I have sleep apnea. I have eczema on the palms of my hands. Have to get steroid shots in my palms about 3 or 4 times a year. I had breast cancer in 2006. Rotator cuff surgery 2017. Stuck thumb, stuck finger and carpal tunnel both wrists. Had 2 serious bouts of mononucleosis when I was 12.

I smoke pot. I had a white wine drinking binge but it has ended thank goodness. Or I ended it. Yeah I ended it. I did not quit smoking pot. I started using pot on a more regular basis in my 40's. Sex was greatly enhanced by pot smoking. As my PTSD took a stronger hold, or rather I started to understand my misery, my pain, my insomnia, my depression, my anxiety, my fight or flight mode, my use of pot grew. It helped.

And of course sugar, fat and salt number one drugs of choice for me (and most americans) In Buffalo I learned to love Schuler Potato Chips, Home Pride Chocolate Chip Cookies, 7UP, chicken wings, pizza, steak hoagies, chicken souvlaki. fries, burgers, hot dogs, onion rings, popcorn with butter and salt.

This piece feels very judgemental of myself.