My thoughts control my feelings. My thoughts create my feelings. I was nervous. I was uncomfortable. It was difficult to relax. I kept interrupting my interior negative thoughts with positive ones, and I kept interrupting escape with presence. It was difficult. Old patterns wanted to take over. And in the end I am not sure I pulled it off. And now ..awaking on the next day I am not sure how to control my response. I feel defeated. I don't know what to think. I am not sure how to read the situation. My thoughts this morning are more negative. This is not going anywhere, I spoke too soon, I spoke too much. I didn't ask enough about her, there were too many pregnant pauses, I am not attractive, I am too old, and I do not deserve this good happiness, I am not worthy so push it away now and get a grip, go back to solitude....she is disinterested. I keep talking to myself about no matter what stay on your track..find your happiness with yourself, stop worrying about other, you can keep these good feelings..and so it goes.
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