myth and mirth

she was the idea of beauty in my household. if an Elizabeth Taylor movie was on TV we all watched it together. we couldn't get through dinner without a fight but we agreed on liz. she was adored by my father and mother. especially my father and he spoke of her as if he knew her personally as he had met her one night by chance at madison square garden. one of the big boxing fight nights. Ms. Taylor came down the aisle with her mother looking for their seats. Liz looked lost. So my dad popped up and went to her aide and rescue. dad got her and her mom safely to their seats.

she was the ideal of beauty that I aspired to. I had the dark curly hair. and the its. she was an aggressive sexy. she was an unbelievably beautiful woman who was empowered by it.....and importantly she was never a victim. as she aged she showed herself for who she was in the present without looking back.  she was known in my household for her friendship with Montgomery Cliff. my dad often told the story of the night of the famous tragic car accident. How liz was the one to find him right after the accident, get him to the hospital and she stood by him through it all. best friends to each. and later I realized fag and fag hag. copy that. I loved liz as much as any drag queen ever did.

I even had her children's book Nibbles and me.  i followed her from that book through all of her life, a loyal fan. during the aids crisis she showed courage and gave leadership early on when others failed us and let us down.. she rallied folks to the cause with understanding and compassion. i loved her even more.
insanely i wanted nothing more than to be as beautiful as she was.
i failed...for a while i felt bad that i failed at it. now it is something that makes me smile. it was an ideal impossible to achieve, i should have been aspiring to my own beauty as myself whatever that looked like it... better to aspire to be  myself...i get it now.

Then today i found this. "An arrangement made with God, my mother, and Louis B. Mayer made me this person, this product, you know as Elizabeth Taylor. I showed up. I took light and directions and lots and lots of notes. I'm proud of the work. But what I most care about--always cared about--was being a good friend, a helpful person--and I'm happiest when someone tells me that I did that, that I became that person. The rest is fate, beshert, dumb luck. But the good person? I worked hard at that." -- Elizabeth Taylor/Interview with James Grissom/From "The Complete Divinity."

me too liz. me too. happiest when a friend tells me i was helpful.  i learned it from my father. he was a good friend to many people. he treated folks with respect and took care of his friends, would do anything for a friend. I can still hear him say, "I got it .."  because he always picked up the check. always. i heard from many people over the years what a great friend he was. at grier i perfected the art of friendship i was so lonely when i arrived as a freshman. having finally escaped my ever increasing hostile environment at home....i was suddenly free to be myself and it was liberating... i soon learned the importance and meaning of friendship ..i am 12 years old and away from home for the first time..i know no one. i don't recognize any thing or any one in my surroundings. and i am so scared i consider running home to my mother. but i stay for four years because of the friendships i made there, i learned that i could feel safe in a new environment by making friends.. may i be remembered as a good friend..my friends to keep me going...wonderful friends and many memories that make me laugh and cry...it makes me happy to think of my friendships with trish..sarah, chuck, murphy, Beverly, Robbie, Cynthia, ron, tee, leslie.....

and i agree liz the rest is fate, luck, dumb luck. but the good person? the good friend? I too worked hard at that. I too work hard at that and my prayer is i always find the strength to continue to work at being a good person.