Vulnerability

 The vulnerability paradox: It's the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I want you to see in me. Trying to remember to show up and be seen today! Brene Brown

 I have been thinking about this a lot lately. Maybe because I am exploring the idea of an intimate relationship with someone for the first time in many years. Or maybe because of my work with Alison including the meditation I am more aware of my own vulnerability. Yesterday when talking to Trish I said something about my "sexual history" and then corrected myself  with "I mean.. my dating history" I may have been correct the first time. They were sexual relationships first that then moved to intimate relationships and for good reason. I have also noticed that three dates in with Maggie and I have not shred my PTSD history with her, and usually the stories that created the PTSD are shared early..but I haven't shared them. Maybe because I no longer identify as that person anymore, or at least not as my primary identity. Susie (past therapist) used to tell me that our work would be about rewiring my brain. Maybe I have accomplished that .. 

Today what I know is I want my 60's to be my best decade yet! And whatever I have to do in the way of change and vulnerability to do that ..I am willing to do it. And I am committed to me. Must be feeling brave today to make such big statements...