fragile post trip

Just came back from trip home for four days. It was difficult. I was pretty unsatisfied and very unhappy with it. Nothing went as planned. I went with the flow, but the disappointment remains. I smoked. I was absent for most of it, like I like to do, when I am there. And I ate everything in site. Like filling a cavern that was limitless. Re injured my right shoulder as well which is kicking me with pain.  Now back and feeling like crap the tears came this morning like rain.  And I want to call it quits. Quits at work quits at life. I know this feeling will pass as it always does, but having the regular cycle of it as a burden is exhausting. Exhausting. Something nice will happen to me, a friend or some achievement at work and I will perk up. Like I do. I need a tree bath or  a walk in the woods.  My physical strength is low. The lowest I ever remember it being. That adds to the problem.  Being negative will not help. I need to be more positive. I feel fragile, but I believe I could find strength in writing. To keep writing is to keep healing and externalizes the pain. Even if only to myself and the blank page.