yesterday i gave effort to illuminating my desires...
it started with changing an answer. i always have said i would never kill myself because of what it would do to my daughter. true. but also i would not do it because i have worked so hard for so long to heal my traumas. because of my many close friendships that have sustained me for years. because in my darkest moments i have always found a way to reach out and continue. i wouldn't do it because i am resilient. in some fortunate way i have a combination of strength, and bravery that acts like a rudder and propels me forward into my days. i still believe i can find joy beyond a bag of potato chips and a joint. i wouldn't do it because i have had the chances and turned away.
i know
that practicing gratitude will honor what Liz lost by killing herself.
that she had every right to end her suffering.
that i have things i want to do
that i have a new story to write
that if i can learn to be vulnerable the words for the new story will come
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