not enough to suffer

weds april 22

its not enough to suffer, whats the point of that? it has to count for something
so far in my life it has counted for
momma single parent group 1975-78
erie county task force against rape and sexual assault training of nurse docs lawyers judges teachers da office cops sheriffs high school students and ourselves
ujima theatre co.
prosecution of my rapist/rapist of at least 11 other women
hag theatre and my art
dykes do drag
pride festival moved from just drag queens to everyone in alphabet
dyke march buffalo
big gap cancer battle and recovery
racial equality in philanthropy
more art
love of artists

 now
when will i say I  have suffered enough?
will i be able to convince my body to stop truggering the thoughts
how will i stop the entrenched thought of unworthiness
when will the river of tears stop
could i ever allow myself to be truly vulnerable
will i ever dump the exaggerated startle response

enough already enough 55 years of enough

what replaces what fills up the empty space left behind by allowing suffering to exit stage left
what enters stage right and replaces it?
when am i center stage

choose courage over comfort and the familiar
choose the unfamiliar
keep saying the words outloud
keep telling
stop keeping secrets

stop speaking to please therapist