what's stopping me?

I am very glad I decided to do AWGO. It has been a good experience for me. It has been fun to be in rehearsals. It has been good for me to do something I love and enjoy. There is not much I allow myself to enjoy. I truly believe I stop myself for one reason or another and I need to look at that.  Is it my size, body image issue or body size that stops me?  Sometimes I think I have no right to do things I enjoy when many people are suffering...like some sort of phucked up privilege guilt. Or is it just that I feel guilty. Guilty as charged of everything. Saying sorry all the time. Crap. Its all crap.

Kate is coming for the weekend and I am so excited. And just the two of us, which is rare.