animal acts

Trish gets here in a month and I have put on some weight and don't feel as good as I did and a month after that is pride. already march is over and of the last two years this last three months is the longest lapse. I have been drinking too...maybe once a week a couple o cosmos. done with that. going to go home to buffalo and the real test for me will be can I stay off pot while home in buffalo. ..maybe say the real victory will be to stay present and feel what I feel and accept that.

test my sugar 4 x a day
get really tight to my calorie count
aerobic exercise and whatever weight training I can do
meditate every day
write down what I eat
no eating after 7 at night
no eating after 7 at night

so today I recommit....to me...get the the rec center and rec! get about my own health and happiness. commit to self understanding acceptance and compassion of self.

I believe
I believe
I believe in me
my worth
my talent

had a dream about Dunklemen last night.... odd. I was quitting my job with him..i was quitting my hrwc job but with him....worked there late 80's almost 25 years...
that was a job where I looked to prove myself...and get acceptance...by mike and others but ...
oh bolax! talked to wendy. she quit therapy a reminder to me that we all get stuck in thought patterns. an encouragement to me that I keep pluggin away

I want to plan a big 60 bash
but I am afraid it will not meet my expectations
that folks will let me down
because I have that old belief that my family won't love me
Im still the little girl trying to make her family accept her
make them do what they are supposed to do

the weekend was good. I was at the Animal Acts performance festival at UM.. HH .. Carmelita Tropicana...felt like Hallwalls days. HH still keeps her distance. but it was fun and energizing to be at performances and with artists my preferred tribe.
I also reconnected with Kimberly by going to her baby shower...she looks great and healthy and happy. was wonderful to see her. and I am glad I attended and did not give a bullshit excuse  not participate.