good start

I took care of me yesterday. I did go work out. Went to weight training room and to the nu step. Did about 25 mins total and today I will go again . I meditated.  I also ate healthy all day. Took my meds. At the end of the day I got stressed about something but came home and went to bed early.

I did not test all day and I did eat some popcorn after 7 but not tons of popcorn, so today I will repeat and add testing all day. Feels pretty good.

Damn cat woke me at 2:30 because he wanted to get outside. He's out now.

Tears
every day
I cry every day
miss my dad
I grieve or what I do not have
I grieve for what I never had....

I am afraid
that I have no real worth in the world and that I never will

in ten years
which will fly by
in ten years I will be 70
in 7 months I will be 60
both of these facts terrify me
they require
or it feels as if it requires
a kind of surrender
but I am not done fighting
I have always been fighting
one oppression or another
being a child abused by two brothers and ignored by a mother and forgotten by a sister
a working class daughter of an immigrant was the source of strength
fought or Kate against all odds
a single mom in a society that does not support that choice
choice
equal pay
fought the system of docs cops lawyers and judges that blame the victim for her rape
fought to change it
fought the society that said queer was bad
fought or my world to understand that different was good
HAG
Pride
fought cancer
fought obesity
now I am struggling
without a fight
except the oldest and first
loneliness